Mine, Mine, Mine, Mine

Most people who know anything about N’s know that they have a hang up on gifts. Giving them specifically. I learned very early on that accepting anything from MIL was fraught with peril and came with strings -- always. And it doesn’t even have to be gifts. She could turn ME doing a favor for HER into something I should feel guilty and ashamed of. It was unbelievable.

Pretty early into our dating relationship, MIL asked me to do her a favor around Christmas time. She wanted me to pick something up for DH for her and wrap it, or at least that’s what I recall I did. It was so long ago I don’t remember specifics exactly, but I she asked if I minded doing something for HER, which I did with no problem at all. After I did it she sent me a little stuffed ladybug and a thank you card for doing that. I thought that was nice, and I actually started warming up to her thinking MAYBE we were going to get along after all. Oh, but she made sure to shit all over that, and pretty quick. About a week later DH says to me (being her news bearer) “my mom says that I need to give you her phone number.” Perplexed I said, “But I have her phone number.” He agreed, but he said “that’s my mom’s way of telling you that you need to call her to thank her for the ladybug and card.” So … I need to thank her, for thanking me for doing something for HER?? What the what??? That was the last time I ever believed we’d ever have a relationship. She was just dead set on ruining it every chance she got. Every time I thought we might actually be friends she'd ruin it with some huge crash and burn that you couldn't ignore. She’s like Lucy with the football, “come on Charlie Brown, I promise I’ll hold the ball steady for you, I won’t move it!” That’s what she does. She moves the rules of polite discourse to try and make you look like a heel.

My first Christmas with DH I tried really hard to get MIL a gift she would appreciate. I didn’t know what she was then and I didn’t know it was a losing battle, but I was beginning to figure it out. EVERYTHING I saw that looked like MIL’s personality and suggested to DH “What about that?” came with a negative response “Nope. She wouldn’t like that.” What the hell? Does she like ANYTHING? I ended up spending $50 to get her a really nice pen, in a zebra pattern (she likes animal prints) that came in a cool case she could keep in her purse. Guess what I got from her!! I got three cellophane sleeves you can pull apart to use as a temporary vase, like the free kind you get at the grocery store when you purchase flowers so you can keep them wet. WTF? No thought, no consideration, just some unequivocal junk. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I was like “are you fucking kidding me? This is my Christmas present? The gifts only remotely got better from there. It is ALWAYS some crap she got from a garage sale or Good Will. Sometimes we got picture frames or another gift that we got her that she REGIFTED back to us. When they discuss narcissists and their issues with gift giving, they absolutely SPOT ON. It's rather creepy.

As for her, whatever we get her, she always asks us to bring it back and get something else. I gave up even trying about two years ago. I decided -- screw her. I put more thought into her freaking gift than her own son did. I was going to let DH and his sister worry about getting her gifts. I never again put another thought into a gift for her. Not my problem. Which may be exactly why the hag didn’t get anything for Mother’s Day this year. Oh well.

She has a habit of giving gifts to us on other people’s birthdays, including hers. See Grandma the Unfit post a few entries back. Also when our oldest daughter turned 1, MIL had gifts for us and she gave them to us in front of everyone in a huge spectacle. It was so bizarre. I can’t remember what DH got, but she bought me a Gucci purse that I thought was real, and she told me it was. I was flabbergasted. I figured it out later that it WAS NOT real and she lied about it. She got it from Hong Kong where she goes every year. She knew it wasn’t real. She also gave me on our daughter’s birthday a sterling silver ring with a ginormous amethyst on it. I mean so huge it is gaudy and I have never once worn it. I can’t imagine what everyone else was thinking, but I was embarrassed. How transparent it was to make it all about her. Normally I get a shitty assed Good Will gift, but when she gives gifts in front of a slew up people in order to make a spectacle of herself, she drops in Gucci purses and huge amethyst rings. Hello, obvious??

MIL also can’t stand it if someone else does something for someone else instead of her. One night when MIL had the girls overnight, the girls did some coloring. My youngest told her Grandma that she was going to color a picture for me. After they finished coloring it was time for bed so Youngest left the picture on the table. She told me that when she got up the next morning, Grandma had written on it in childish handwriting like it was from a child “To Grandma from Youngest” and stuck it the refrigerator for everyone to see. This was very disturbing to my daughter. I’m sure she didn’t say anything to her grandmother. They knew even then not to confront her. Nothing good ever came from that. How pathetic is it for that old bat that she has to do that? It’s just sick, sick, sick.

MIL also lives to take gifts back, stating that she never gave it to whoever to begin with. It was just a loan. Shortly before DH and I started dating Jon’s sister got a car that belonged to her grandmother. Nothing fancy, but I’m sure it helped them out. Because SIL got a car, mother-in-law was desperate to unload an old Corvette (limited) Pace Car that she had. It didn’t run well and could stand a new paint job. It was pretty nice. She had it shipped all the way from California to the Midwest and gave it to DH. He had some work done it and enjoyed it in the summers. When MIL moved here, she let DH park it in her garage because it was only driven in the summer and we didn’t have the space in our garage. She made some comment to DH that it wasn’t his car, it was hers, insisting that she never gave it to him. Never mind she sent the stupid title so he could change it and had it SHIPPED on a car carrier to be delivered over 2,000 miles. Did she really do all that so DH could just take it for a joy ride or what the hell? DH was so annoyed, but he didn’t bother arguing with her about it. She has also given us an antique hall desk that she insists every time she sees it that she might “want that back.” It isn’t happening, but she can continue to keep thinking it.

She also LOVES to give away things that don’t belong to her. DH has made excuse after excuse for her but that woman has taken, absorbed or given away items that belong to us countless times. She insists that the rolling clothes rack we had in our first house in the basement that we loaned to her for a garage sale is HERS. Not. We loaned her a really expensive blow up, queen size bed that can store itself in its own trunk. We purchased it for when we had out of town guests for the extra room in our basement. We only used it once or twice. She had one too, but slightly different looking. We loaned her ours when she had a house full of people. The next time we wanted it, that thing wasn’t anywhere to be found. She insisted she didn’t have it, but said “I sold mine in a garage sale.” She fucking sold ours too!!! Ugh. That thing was $300.00!! DH insists that when I loaned the bed to friends of mine, they never gave it back. They did. They are the most polite people I have ever known. Not returning something they borrowed (something that large) would be completely foreign to them. Their picture is in the dictionary next to the word “Goodness.” DH doesn’t want to believe it or admit his mother sells our stuff without our permission or that she doesn't even give it a thought. She’s infuriating. I hate giving her anything. Wrapping paper – now HERS. Space heater – now HERS. Casserole dishes that had food we made her – now HERS. Step ladder – now HERS.

She’s like the seagulls from finding Nemo “mine, mine, mine, mine” Auuuugh!!