Stealing Her Thunder

We had a tiny, blessed little bit of progress yesterday, and I could have done a dance.

As I may have said before, DH is trying to understand, and it is oh so hard for him. And I’m trying to teach him, while getting the feeling from him that he isn’t interested. But he is listening and last night proved it.

We have been LC with MIL for four months now and the girls have really only seen MIL twice for any length of time. That time length being less than 15 minutes. That is going to change though.

The second week of June we are going to South Dakota for a large family reunion that is to span four days. We’ll only be there for three. This is DH’s side of the family. Namely MIL’s two older brothers and their wives have planned this entire event. These are the Uncles who stepped up at our wedding and paid for and planned our “rehearsal” dinner the night before our wedding. These are the uncles who went out of the way to do something nice, AND who made sure to keep MIL away from us that same evening when she was stumbling around drunk. They know all about their fucked up sister. Of course, though, MIL plans on being there. This should prove to be very interesting and very TOXIC. Not only do I know for a fact that MIL will drink until she’s sloppy drunk and spewing meanness, she doesn’t even LIKE her family and they don’t like her. Throw in the fact that I can’t stand her, and her two granddaughters don’t want to have anything to do with her and it’s going to get ugly. Why exactly?

Because MIL is going to play pretend that everything is just fine. That I love her, that she loves living in the same state as us and everything is going great, that her granddaughters love their grandma because she's so awesome. She (without saying it) will fully expect that we play along with her fantasy. She’s going to expect it because that’s what we’ve always done. Until now that is. When that doesn’t happen, when the fantasy she’s built up fails around her, she’s going to melt down like, well, the Wicked Witch of the West. I am prepared to be as pleasant as possible, but this will entail keeping away from her entirely, as well as keeping the girls away from her. If she’s in the same room as us and she thinks she’s going to call the girls over to say, Aunt Junie B, and have a sweet granny conversation to show HER granddaughters off like she’s Grandma of the Year, MIL is going to have a rude awakening. I plan to ignore her. I will walk away and pretend she isn’t even in the room. Let her explain to whoever what the hell THAT was about. If asked by anyone, I will tell them the truth. That she’s not nice, and she’s nasty to the girls and the girls don’t want to have anything to do with her. Because of that, even at a family reunion, we will keep them away from her. I do not intend to make a huge deal about it or carry on a gossipy conversation, but I am done protecting her and acting like everything is fine. As they say – drag the evil shadow out into the light and watch it shrivel and die. Every one of these relatives KNOW her. None of them have a relationship with her for a reason. I don’t foresee backlash from ANYONE about speaking the truth.

What’s scheduled to happen is that MIL is flying to SIL’s state, visit for a few days and then MIL and SIL and BIL and their kids are all going to drive to South Dakota for the reunion. We will meet them there. It lasts through Sunday. SIL called and talked to DH a few weeks ago and wanted to know if they could take our girls back to Colorado with them to stay for a few weeks. Initially, I was flipped out about this. I don’t want them NEAR MIL. MIL will be in that van and then will stay one more day and a half until she flies back home. That gives MIL any number of opportunities to sink her claws into our girls. I was practically hyperventilating. Even the girls got wide eye’d and said they weren’t sure they wanted go with them. Let me tell you, our girls ADORE going to Colorado to be with their aunt and cousins. There is nothing they’d rather do more. So that tells you just how much they don’t want to be around that wench if they were considering not going. After some discussions, we decided it would be okay if SIL and family promises to keep them protected. They will only have to be with her a day and a half before she leaves anyway. Trust me when I say, SIL, as much as she annoys ME, is kind of a bitchy pit bull when it comes to her mother. She doesn’t put up with too much crap from her, which is why MIL has visited SIL maybe three times in 12 years. It’s no fun for MIL. There’s no supply for her there, nobody puts up with her for very long. Even my BIL puts her in her place without blinking an eye.

So, fast forward to yesterday when DH goes over to MIL’s to do some task and mentions to MIL that the girls are going back to Colorado with them after the reunion. MIL blew a gasket! DH was shocked. He said it was like a light switch flipped. She instantly got pissy, saying she didn’t want them going to Colorado because it would interrupt HER time with SIL. As if MIL cares about time with SIL. She's avoided her for 12 years. But she isn't getting the narc supply from us anymore, so she's going to give SIL's family another shot. And now, a visit by our girls will put a cramp into that. If the girls are around, they are naturally going to suck ALL of the attention out of the room. Every last drop. MIL knows this. My SIL, to her credit, is an elementary school teacher and loves children. My husband is probably the one person she has the closest relationship with anyone else in the world (besides her husband) and these are her brother’s kids. BIL just retired from being a high school teacher and also loves kids. The girls two cousin’s will be home from college and they like spending time with them as well. The girls worship their cousins because they are the cooler older kids, but who actually like being with their cousins, even if they are near tweens. It will definitely be ALL about the girls. So sad for MIL. Boo hoo.

When DH tried to placate MIL she said petulantly, “Well, I’m just not going then!!” Really? Because our kids are going to be around for a day and half of her seven day visit to Colorado and South Dakota, she’ll blow off the entire trip AND the family reunion? Judas. What a drama lama!!

When DH got home he was actually amused. AMUSED. He called his sister to tell her the latest on his mother and I heard some of the discussion. These are some of the things he said.

“ Yeah, I mean, it was instant, like a flip switched. She was so pissed off. I couldn’t believe it.”

“I don’t think she’ll go to counseling . . . Nope . . . so, what if she does, she’s just going to LIE to the therapist. And what good is that? Counseling with her is pointless.”

“I know, but it’s not so much that. Mom’s problem is this this whole Narcissistic Personality Disorder she has. It isn’t fixable. She isn’t going to change.”

Holy shit. Did you read that? DID YOU READ THAT?

DH is paying attention. *snoopy dance*