We picked MIL up and because she’d had a car accident two months previous and had broken her knee, she was seated in the front seat directly in front of me. I sat in the back seat with the girls. Right away I sensed something was off but I couldn’t put my finger on it. It was like she was hiding something, or like she was totally faking her behavior. We chatted all the way to the restaurant where we were to meet her friend Janet. Janet was a friend she’d had for about a year and a half, but true to historical form, I had been noticing Judy’s car in her driveway less and less as time went on. It had been over a year. MIL was far past due for losing yet another friend. I suspected Janet had one foot out the door already.
Janet was not yet at the restaurant when we arrived so we sat down at a large table. I sat on one side with youngest to my left and oldest on my right. MIL sat directly across from me and DH was to MIL’s right hand side. At the far end were two large gift bags that contained MIL’s birthday presents. We looked at the menu for a while and continued to wait for Janet. She was taking much longer than expected but the weather wasn’t that great. Then began the evenings torment.
I’ve point out before that MIL has a thing for jewelry. I do too, but I don’t collect it or hoard it for its own sake. Most of the jewelry I have was bequeathed to me by my mother who had many many nice pieces, or it is the jewelry that DH has given me over the years. I like jewelry for its beauty and for the sentimental and emotional value it holds for me.
The evening’s bizarreness ensued when MIL asked me if I liked silver jewelry. I became uneasy because I sensed the conversation was going to go somewhere that I wouldn’t like, I was sure of it. I casually stated that I do, because … I do. I have many silver and sterling pieces of jewelry. I wear it all the time. She begins to sort of argue with me saying that she doesn’t recall seeing me wear any, blah blah blah. I’m not sure her purpose in saying that. Was she insinuating that I was lying or what the hell? I reiterated what I said and tried to stop the direction that it was going because it seemed to serve no purpose. At least no purpose I was aware of. She suddenly began trying to take off a silver bracelet that was on her wrist and she couldn’t get it off. DH had to help her. Once removed, MIL flung the bracelet at me from across the table and said, “do you like that?” I picked it up and looked at it. It was a nice linked beaten sterling silver bracelet. I wasn’t sure what the hell to say so I just said “yes, it’s nice.” MIL sniffs her nose in the air and says “WELL, it’s yours, it’s my birthday present to you!”
I don’t like taking presents from MIL. They always come with strings or she will remind you about it later when she wants something from you. I sensed a control issue rearing its head. Because I didn’t want anything from her at all except her complete removal from the Midwest, I was reluctant to take a bracelet from her that I could not have given two shits about. But, I was still trying to keep the peace for the evening. I decided that it was the better part of valor just to say thank you and be done with it. So I did.
BUT SHE WASN’T DONE YET.
She then started fussing with this necklace around her neck and asked DH to help her remove it. “Do you like gold?” With that statement, she again flung a heavy gold rope chain across the table and it slid to stop next to my fork. What in the actual hell is she doing?? I don’t like necklaces. Really and truly. Well, I do like them. It’s just my neck that doesn’t. I feel claustrophobic in them. When I do wear them, the minute I take them off I sigh happily wondering how I could have stood that weight around my neck all day. Even slim chains make me feel that way. I didn’t want her heavy rope necklace regardless of how nice it was. I told her no and explained why. She then proceeded to tell me why that was ridiculous, or that I should “just get used to it. etc etc. etc.” I continued to tell her no several times, and I handed it back to her. As soon as I did that, Janet arrived at the restaurant and began to sit down next to MIL in a flurry of apologies and “happy birthdays.” I didn’t realize it at the time, but DH informed me later that my not taking her stupid necklace began the downfall of the entire evening.
Once the “hello’s” were said and Janet was settled in her chair we were still waiting for dinner to arrive so DH suggested that MIL open her gifts. MIL is extremely hard to buy for (again this another entry all unto itself), but DH and Crunchy had come up with an idea that I thought was actually pretty good. Since MIL loves to entertain and always has picky food before dinner, Crunchy and DH had purchased a sundry of picky canned or bottled foods that would keep for a while that she could pull out whenever she wanted to entertain. Food items like stuffed olives, and pickled asparagus, prosciutto and preserved salami’s. There were two giant bags of stuff like that. Truly it was the perfect gift for her. As MIL opened the gifts, she ooh’d and ahh’d and seemed to love the idea, as did Janet. But, shortly after that something dark began to slither out of MIL. As they were wrapping up the items and putting them back in the bags, she began to complain that she didn’t want the gifts. She told DH she didn’t want them and that he could take them back. We got her food because “all we want to do is make her fat.” It was ridiculous. It’s not like she had to eat it all at once, and it was just small food and she could put out as little or as much as she wanted. As much as DH tried to convince her the gift was a good one, she refused to listen to him. Her slithering mood did not improve from there.
Next she began to attack me with pointed questions sure to elicit answers that I knew she was never prepared to accept. She said she knew I didn’t like her and wanted to know exactly why. She asked why I didn’t go see how she was two months ago when she was in the car accident that injured her knee. She was just full of questions determined to make me feel guilty. I looked at her and said calmly, “MIL, we aren’t going to discuss any of that now. It’s your birthday dinner.” DH tried to get her to shut up too, quietly telling her to stop it. My oldest sitting next to me was getting scared because I know she’s seen MIL like this before when WE haven’t been around. She’s been a victim of this bad behavior I was sure of it. Oldest tapped my leg and whimpered “mommy, I want to go home.” I put my arm around her and told her it was fine and dinner would be here soon.
Once I calmed Oldest down, I could see that MIL was having a somewhat quiet discussion with DH. I could tell that MIL was complaining about me to me to DH in a voice I could barely make out, but I did hear my name occasionally and something like “fucking daughter-in-law.” One time I heard her say “I know she is pissed off I moved here, but that’s just too bad.” I couldn’t hear or understand most of her criticism and complaining to DH, but my youngest daughter heard every bit of it. My youngest sat there staring at the two of them across the table looking like deer in the headlights.
At this point, dinner arrived. It didn’t stop her momentum at all.
Everyone was uncomfortable and she was starting to get loud. She turned from picking on me to picking on both of our daughters – She harassed my Oldest about her chapped lips and how she never uses chap stick and that it looks awful. She complained about Youngest and her bitten finger nails and what a horrible habit it is, and in the same breath turned and praised Oldest for her gorgeous finger nails. She criticized the way Oldest held her fork – ONCE. She said “What? Don’t you teach your children table manners??” DH who was not happy with how things were progressing said, “yes, we do.” MIL snorted and said “I fucking doubt it.”
I can’t even remember what she went on and on about. DH was getting angry and telling her to stop it. Her friend Janet looked at me in distress, her eyes saying what she wouldn’t: “What the hell is wrong with her?” Then suddenly, about 10 minutes after we got our food MIL announced “I want to go home. Right now!” We all had to hurry and eat, which was fine because we wanted to get away from her. After we packed everything up, she used her four-point walker and moved as fast as her legs could get her. While getting in the car MIL was heard to grip, "I just don't understand why your wife wouldn't take the jewelry?" We got in the car and promptly got lost because the highway on ramps had been moved around during recent construction and were no longer where they were. This is out in the country a bit, so they could have been anywhere. When I tried to explain to DH how to find the highway on ramp, MIL shouts at me from the front seat in a slurred voice “Shuuddup beeetch.” I was so angry at that moment I swear I saw stars. She blabbered nonsense all the way home and I could tell DH had had it with her.
When we pulled into her driveway 10 minutes later, she began to get out of the car while DH got her walker. Before exiting completely, she very purposefully turned in her seat pinning Youngest with a stare and said “sweetie, would you like to help Grandma carry her things into the house?” Youngest looked at her grandmother wide eyed and frightened and shook her head no. After all she witnessed that night, she didn’t want to do anything for Grandma. Grandma became infuriated and shrieked “I beg your pardon!?” She couldn’t actually believe that a peon 9 year old was not going to schlep her damn packages in to the house. I directed her anger at me and said “No, MIL, she doesn’t want to help you, but I will help DH carry your things.” MIL got out of the car in a huff and headed into the house while I grabbed the gift bags and her left over dinner containers and followed them into the garage. MIL had to go backwards up the garage steps to the landing where the door was located. She used her walker as leverage. As she climbed backward up the steps and when she got high enough, she stared at me over DH’s head and was glaring at me with the most hate filled look I have ever seen. She began complaining loudly about me, I can’t remember what she was saying anymore and I just let her complain. But at one point she said “Did you hear me!!??” I guess me not answering her blabbering was not tolerated. I looked at her calmly and said “Oh, I heard you” and said nothing more.
Once in the house I walked past her and set her items down on the counter. Unfortunately I had to walk by her again on my way out the door. She watched me walk by drilling her beady eyes into my skull. As I walked by she screamed as loud as she could:
“YOOOUUUU.AAAAREEEEEE.A.FUUCCCKKING BIIIITTTCH!!!"
I sailed past her in the doorway and said nothing.
When DH got home five minutes later, he was furious and said “I’m done with my mother.” He also walked into the girls bedrooms and helped them get into bed and told them both that they didn’t have to go over to see their grandmother anymore for a while. I took that as a huge sign. Had she finally stuck her foot in too far?
I hoped so, and DH did change a little, but it’s not nearly enough because since then he’s been like a flip floppy fish.
There is still so much more to this, and I’m tired.
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